Side Note: How cute is this picture? I love it!
Don’t judge by the title. I promise it’s not going to be all negative. It’s just an open an honest conversation, from me to you, on being single. I’m actually thankful for my singleness (It took a lot of prayers and a lot of revelations to get to this moment lol), but there are some sucky moments if I’m being real. This is just the disclaimer, so let’s start this off right!
Well Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Whether you’re going out with bae or having a night with the girls (ME), I hope you have an amazing time. Recently, it’s been on my heart to write about being single. Being in a relationship, having a husband, having a family, are all things that I desire to have one day. So from my standpoint, being single doesn’t really feel like part of the plan. However, the older I get the more I realize that life changes sometimes. We joke about how in high school we had all of our lives figured out. I know for me, I was going to be dating someone for a year or two, get married by 24/25 (the latest), and wait 3-4 years to have kids. As I approach the ripe old age of 23 (LOL), I realize that I can’t even fathom being married anytime soon. Oh how things have changed! But we were young. We’re supposed to dream big, and then life knocks us around a little and we pick ourselves back up and re-adjust. I know what you’re thinking:
- Makeda, you’re so young! You have so much time for that!
- You’re so great, I don’t know why you’re single.
- You don’t need a man to be happy.
I know that these are things people say that are supposed to make us feel better, but they don’t. Please just stop (lol). I know that I’m young and I still have time. I know that I’m great and no, I don’t know why I’m single. Yes, I know I don’t need a man to make me happy. Believe me I am happy! Life is difficult sometimes, but it’s not because I’m single. It’s because sometimes life is just difficult. I am okay/good/awesome/all of the above, but I want to say that it is okay to not be okay with being single.
I wanted to know if others around me felt the same way. I don’t think it’s something we necessarily talk about a lot; whether we feel embarrassed or weak for wanting to be in a relationship. Unfortunately, we live in a generation where we act like we have it all together. Don’t worry, I’m the same way! I hate being vulnerable as much as the next person. But the older I get, the more conversations I have, I realize that sometimes you need to be vulnerable. Soo I asked my friends what they felt was the most difficult thing about being single and what was the most important lesson they learned.
Some of the difficulties included: Hanging on to hope even though it feels like everyone else is finding love, wanting to go on those cute dates, asking yourself hard questions (like if something is wrong with you), having all this love that you want to give to someone, feeling like your value is diminished, and the list goes on. We all have our low moments, but through this time I can say we all learned about ourselves.
The difficulties are to let you know that you aren’t alone in how you feel, but the lessons are what I want you to take away from this. The lesson to love yourself and put yourself first. The lesson of being comfortable being alone and getting to know yourself. The lesson of not needing validation from anyone because you know who you are. The lesson of not missing out on things because you feel you need someone to share it with. The lesson of finding yourself without the influence of another half.
If you want to be in a relationship, if that’s a desire that you have, that’s okay. That’s why all of the things that people say to help, doesn’t help us because it doesn’t change our desire. Where the problem lies is if you’re letting it hold you back. No more saving outfits in your closet for future dates or stopping yourself from doing things because you don’t have a man to do them with. Being single has taught me a lot. I’ve had the privilege of being single during some of the most pivotal moments of my life. Not a lot of people get that opportunity. When you are by yourself, you get to know yourself really well. It can be scary, but I think it’s crucial. I think my friend said it best…
“The love that I have for myself will make me a better partner to someone whenever I do get in a relationship.”
Not only have I learned about myself, I have learned from others experiences. My mom always taught me to observe my surroundings and the relationships of others. I am a firm believer that you don’t have to make your own mistakes to learn from them. I take from the good and bad times of the couples around me so I know what I’m looking for.
Being single sucks but you’re not alone in feeling that way. There is no quick fix to being single, but your perspective can be the difference of you feeling lonely versus you feeling confident being alone. DO YOU BOO! Learn about yourself, buy yourself flowers, travel, climb the corporate ladder, set your expectations high. I know for me personally, there are low moments in being single, but I believe in a God that has my best interest at heart. And though my expectations are high, I know that His are set higher. In the mean time, I’ll keep my confidence in Christ and keep walking in my purpose. In risk of sounding like the cliche people I bashed before: I know that I will look back at these moments and be thankful for the faith that I’ve built and the lessons I’ve learned.
From being single defining us to redefining what it means to be single.